The Ups and Downs of Life and In Between..

I know most of you have noticed the several trips to the ER, the endless ranting and venting about the local clinic (which Jessica, I am making a list and calling tomorrow!) and I haven't really went into what is going on and today it just broke me down and the therapist I am seeing (for this issue and dealing with the grief from my dad) said that I need to talk to people about it and what better way than to just type it all out and get it out and no longer hold back. I have held it in for fear of being judged and just generally didn't want people to see me differently.

It all started the week after the Boston bombings. My husband and I donated blood the day after the bombings because it was something we wanted to do to help. About a week later a letter came in the mail from the Blood Bank of Delmarva. We both knew we were clean so it was like what could this be.. I opened it and it said that I tested positive (multiple times) to the Hep C antibodies screening tests. They also did a test of the virus and one was reactive, another was non-reactive. Initially I blew it off, it had to be a mistake.. And the longer I thought about it, the more it hit me.. I could have passed this to my children. Michael donated blood the same day and had no letter in the mail. All I could think of was liver failure and not being there for my kids or God forbid, them have the virus because of me. I never did hard drugs or anything that involved needles/blood/etc. I was not promiscuous and I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I kept calling the base to set up an appt and didn't have one until about May 15th. I kept calling to see if they wanted the tests before hand so I can have results sooner and go from there. After being chewed out by a nurse about "ordering my own blood tests", they call me back and tell me to come in to get blood work. That day was May 10th. That was also the day I ended up in the ER with nausea, almost passing out, dizzy, and just feeling like there was something wrong.. I don't know if that triggered that or what but they said it was a panic attack. The nausea and anxiety really messed with my body and I am still dealing with it and the aftermath of this disaster.

On to today-I do NOT have the Hep C virus, and according to the 2nd test I don't even have the antibodies so I never had it. Good job Blood Bank of Delmarva.. I called them to try and see if I could donate again and they said NO even with the test results.. They said they have screening tests and the doctors use diagnostic tests so its different. But TWO tests saying I don't have it should be better than the one they did right? I have always wanted to donate organs and because of that PLACE I cannot. I was so upset when she pretty much said it was something wrong with my blood that made their test do that. Others have suggested it was probably a cross contamination or mix up. And for that reason, I hope I never need blood supplied by them. I am officially on the "black-list" to donate now. It really sucks knowing all of the havoc that was done to my body from the anxiety, fear, etc was for NOTHING.

Anyways, I can't change it and I will just have to accept it. But among the several ER visits, DR visits, and 12 different blood draws and Lord knows how many tests, they found swollen lymph nodes in my abdomen so I now (FINALLY) have a referral to a GI doc and hopefully get some answers. We leave for home soon so I don't even know if I will have answers by then. But I just thought I would let everyone know why I have been a recluse and I am going to try and be a better friend to you all.


Thanks for letting me vent.
Love Always-(corny right?)
Kayla Maria